Years ago, I had a blog that became quite popular in my home country. It was my safe space where I brought together the knowledge of Waldorf-inspired home, crafts, food, photography, and, for quite a while, daily messages from the Fairy realm. It was a place where I could safely express myself. It was something that helped foster my connection with the Seasons and the Wheel of the Year. It was also the first place where I truly noticed how much I love writing.
Lately, I’ve been craving to write again, but it never felt the same after I closed that blog down. I miss the energy of that blog and its name. Somehow, it felt as if I had lost a part of myself when that story ended. Now I feel ready to start a new story, but I need help. I don’t know where to start because everything I write feels stupid. Why would anyone read what I write, and does anyone even still read? After a few weeks of contemplating this, I’ve decided that I’m too old to really care and do this for myself. I love writing, use it to express myself, and I accept help … so I’ve bought a book, The Ritual of Writing, by Andrew Anderson, to help me get back to my practice.
The author guides the reader through a series of exercises; here is the first one: To think about why I write and how I’ll connect my writing with my spiritual practice.
Answering the question of why I write isn’t straightforward. It’s more connected with feelings, emotions, and soul expression than something mental or intentional. To make this statement somewhat “special”, let me point out that this statement comes from a typical Capricorn blessed with ADHD.
Looking back, it’s easy to say that the Blog I mentioned at the beginning of this post started my journey into creative expression. That would be too simplistic. I believe the journey goes back to my childhood and to the most influential person in my life – my grandpa. Even with all his flaws, he was, and to a point, still is, a source of wisdom and inspiration for me. He was blind since he was 11 years old and used his voice through music and storytelling. Both are a big part of my life, but I could never reach his level, and honestly, I never even really tried. I always felt I wanted to pursue something of my own, a way to express my individuality in a unique way within my family. We already had a musician, a storyteller, an artist, and an academic … I couldn’t connect with any of these roles, I was craving something that would be uniquly mine.
Then, at the end of primary school, my grandpa bought me my first camera. It was love at first sight and love at first feeling, and a perfect stepping stone to writing. Where photography offers an opportunity for artistic expression, writing offers an opportunity to express my being. It represents my voice even when I can’t talk out loud – when my voice is stuck in my body – which happens more often than I’d like to admit.
The last few years have been extremely hard for me. I often wonder whether I intentionally chose an uncomfortable life before I came to this Earth, but then I remember all the privileges I enjoy, and my conscience reminds me not to complain. In the craziness of this time, I don’t feel I’ve got the right to complain that I don’t live and enjoy a slow life without worrying about money or safety. That said, I’m not sure if the last three years left me exhausted, burned out, or depressed, but something isn’t right. And in the end, it might also just be that my energy type and my ADHD aren’t made for the speed and demands of the life I have. As a manifestor by Human design, I now honor the rest cycles, but lately it seems as if rest is all I need. I feel inspiration bubbling just below the surface, but the world feels too fast right now. I want to rest, explore the OBOD course, do my photography, write, walk in the forest, make homemade bread, make good food, maybe try to open our home to a child … and, most of all, I feel I want to write again.
So, I think it’s time I take this inspiration seriously. I will follow the exercises in the book, try to spend as much time outside as possible, and make my freshly milled sourdough bread again. I want to connect these writings with my coursework and my art.
I’m notorious for following inspiration, turning on my hyperfocus for a few weeks, only to abandon it once it becomes routine – but I want to do better. I feel it’s time to change how I live my life to better support myself through connecting with my soul.
Until next time,
Pia
